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John

John

Shutterfly has been emailing memories. I guess it’s a marketing attempt to get me involved in buying prints and to remain (them) relevant.

This one’s tough on many levels. It may cause consternation to the reader/viewer. I’m a physician. Death is defeat. I accept that one does not always win. I don’t like to lose.

John died in 2011. I was fortunate to be with him every day at the end. I was the one to first realize and to diagnose his lung cancer. His is the treatment face of a dying cancer patient. I hate to admit defeat. I don’t accept it. I don’t see it. It’s a blind spot for me. Everyone lives till they don’t. It’s done. I miss him. Years later this image is oddly jarring in its timing. Have/did I come to terms with it all?

Things change. Relations change. People change. Does Shutterfly realize the can of worms it’s been dumping on me? When he was healthy John looked like John. The illness made him look…different. Why’d I take the picture? Do I want the memory? It’s still not easy to know.

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