Private

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If you follow my blog, or if you have come across this posting randomly – I am a private person. It will not be obvious. It is obvious. I vacillate. I rarely showed the world my “self.” There was a semester in freshman English, I simply poured out my “feelings” in my composition. My instructor (Miss Hesney) pointed it out; whereupon, I retreated never to write like that again till… I reconnected with Colleen. Since then, Colleen has known my heart as no other. I was in Saudi; she in West Virginia; we wrote; I wooed: writing was my seduction. It is/was private. And, the rest of the world sees what I reveal in the humor that plays around in my posts. There are clear glimpses of the depth of my “feelings” in more recent posts. It peeks out in word and picture. I met Colleen again in 2014. But it was not until 2019, that I introduced her as a character in this blog. Why? I was afraid it might screw up my divorce. My first wife does not (probably, never has) read my blog. And, no doubt I did love Lisa, fiercely at times. (Sorry, Colleen.) … I have plenty of thought and many regrets and there is much I would do differently. It has also been a good life with much to be thankful. If I had but known Coleen would be the light of my life, events could have unfolded so much simpler with less pain to all. Or, is it fate, that to appreciate love, I suffered a life long search for happiness. The guilt I feel is for those I have hurt along the way. My happiness is purely selfish in that I found Colleen and there is a happy ending for me/us. (Yes, I am adept. My English skill is good. My paragraphs run on because they are one thought. I dislike that paragraphs in these post are separated by large spaces. So I run on. Yes, guilty – run on thoughts, run on paragraphs…