Shutterfly has been emailing memories. I guess it’s a marketing attempt to get me involved in buying prints and to remain (them) relevant.
This one’s tough on many levels. It may cause consternation to the reader/viewer. I’m a physician. Death is defeat. I accept that one does not always win. I don’t like to lose.
John died in 2011. I was fortunate to be with him every day at the end. I was the one to first realize and to diagnose his lung cancer. His is the treatment face of a dying cancer patient. I hate to admit defeat. I don’t accept it. I don’t see it. It’s a blind spot for me. Everyone lives till they don’t. It’s done. I miss him. Years later this image is oddly jarring in its timing. Have/did I come to terms with it all?
Things change. Relations change. People change. Does Shutterfly realize the can of worms it’s been dumping on me? When he was healthy John looked like John. The illness made him look…different. Why’d I take the picture? Do I want the memory? It’s still not easy to know.
I have switched hard drives (not enough storage space) so many times I did not know what I would get when I did a search for brother John. It’s been a few years now. I try to remember on his birthday. This one image popped up. I didn’t take it. Ha! It’s an early iteration of my Manhattan apartment before many renovations. We all had mustaches. That’s funny (to me). I kept mine all these years, Eric and John were more casual. Their significant others did not insist… It’s Christmas. We had an almost uncanny knack of duplicating presents. This was the year of the overcoat/raincoat. Everyone got one. “Like minds think alike?” It happened way more than this one time. Yeah, Cabbage patch and pound puppies and tickle me Elmo, but overcoats? Gimme a break.