I’m on a roll. Ok, I give up. American slang can be pretty confusing. A “roll?” – like a biscuit? – something you eat? And why would I be on it? Yeah, it’s confusing. But just “roll” with it. Eh? It’s why I illustrate my point.
Another non sequitur, poor Casi has a scratch across her nose courtesy of Lulu. I just noticed it. She’s the beta to Lulu’s alpha. But she’s tough. Someone is gonna complain about my use of unlinked pronouns. Which “she?” You just gotta “roll” with it. Ha!
Slow news day, so go for the easy subject. Shoot your cat. Well, my cat, and, no! I did not shoot my cats. And you should not shoot your cats either. I got some grab shots. Yeah, grab! I guess it’s ‘cause I grabbed my camera and shot them. …with the camera! – not a gun! Oh please, maybe I’m a bit punchy? Or would that be punchie? Yes, my daughter will complain again. No cats were harmed making…. They play. They tease. They destroy.
My lovable cat likes to get on my desk and stretch out fully, legs extended, and pushes off all the desktop contents. That would be my external hard drives! Yikes! Fortunately, no hard drives were injured either. Casi is smart. She can smell the black string after she bit on it. She traced it to two different drawers. And she did not understand the concept but did manage to pry the drawers open. She opened my corner kitchen lazy Susan cabinet. She got inside. The trick is getting back out. That is not so easy. She got stuck in there! Meanwhile, she likes string. And I like to get pics. So we had a session. Everyone got something. Humor? If you are here for the jokes, it’s not me. I’m a very serious kind of guy… Shoot! If Casi had destroyed my external hard drive I would not be in good humor at all. Gee, English can be so ambiguous.
Thank you to all the kind readers of my blog. Many friends comment from time to time. They read my posts. They don’t comment in the comment area. So it is pleasant to find that at least there is some audience for my meandering adventures and poor prose. Miss Digman my 7th grade sentence diagramming teacher would be horrified at my sentence structure…. Thank you cousin Vicki. You are the latest to boost my ego with your kind email.
Ain’t it always the case? You hear pet owners just gush on and on. I have two cats now. They adopted me. Let me tell you, there is a God. I did not know I needed them. But they came in the door, one a few months back, and, the other in recent weeks. I’m old so my time sense is foggy as to exact dates. Does it matter to my story? Hey, it’s my story, right? Lulu the grey with green eyes and Casi the orange eyed cat are like your kids. Different personalities with different temperament forced to coexist with a nutty human who likes the entertainment they give. In return I feed them and clean up after them.
Recently, yes, that’s blood in the window. A couple drops here and more scattered around my desk. Who’s bleeding? Damn! I think it was me! I have scratch marks all over now. I draw the line at unmentionable parts of my anatomy but there have been some close calls. No I do not consider myself deviant or perverted. But the cats have free reign. And sometimes teeth and claw meet, well…parts. Everything is sharp and I get skin break and blood loss. In this case more blood was lost than I realized. The fact that the cats have an armed truce does not help. But from my examination, neither have any wounds, just me. So it’s my blood. No, I’m not running any DNA testing. And I’m not gonna be tasting it. My blood, my story, and I’m sticking to it.
After a few weeks Lulu has at least tolerated Casi being in the house. Casi creeps about near the walls very slowly so she makes herself a nonthreatening target for Lulu. Life goes on. Mostly they tolerate one another. When I return from work they are both near the door and appear uninjured. Every once in a while one or the other will go full tooth and claw and that’s when I get damaged. My fault. (And please ignore the mess. This is not about housekeeping. That couch is my dive gear deposit center.)
Stalking is allowed. Lulu hunts. Casi watches. She often turns her back to taunt Lulu. Lulu knows enough to not attempt to eat Casi in my presence. And Casi is more affectionate because she often nestles in my lap for protection. Hey, it works. Sleeping arrangements have been made. I get the middle of the king bed. Lulu sleeps over the down comforter on top of my legs. I always wake with the dream of being trapped in quicksand and can’t get out. Casi is afraid but recently has taken to sleeping under the covers right up against me. She is not there at the start of the night. Lulu is guarding me. Casi sneaks in later and I find her next to my head or hip in the morning. It seems to be a habit now. During the day, it’s fine to be apart. But at night everyone has staked out their spot on the bed.
Playtime is more interesting. Everyone likes string. They chase and claw and bite at bits of string I have around. I have taken to hiding a piece. Otherwise it will be hidden someplace and be lost as a source of fun. Out of sight, out of mind? No! Casi can smell it. She pried it out from under a brochure. It was easy to shove all the papers on the floor. And that string was missing for a day or two. Then I stuck it under a book. Heavy and not so easy to move, Casi sniffed it and started to push that book. Ok! A drawer, out of sight and really, out of mind! No! She sniffed it out. She went to the very drawer and puzzled at it. Up, upright, upside down…and she even opened the drawer. She does not get the meaning of drawer handles but managed to open the drawer a couple times. It surprised her. And her paws promptly shut the drawer. Before she could get the string I tied it up on the window handle. So far she hasn’t noticed it.
Child proofing means outlet covers. Cat proofing means all things that break off the flat surfaces. My computer hard drives are all fair game. So far they step around all my cameras. No accidents yet, but my place is a disaster waiting to happen. Remember, I mentioned that my cleaning skills were minimal. If the dust lay in an even pattern, leave it. Now there are paw prints all over and the dirty paw prints in my tub are a sure sign that I need to do something. A vacuum cleaner! Yup. It’s a major purchase. Did it. I recommend it to anyone who wants to clean up after a cat.
Did anyone happen to notice that all the plugs do not fit the wall receptacles? Really, I don’t exaggerate. The large three prong plugs were mandated by the king. No shit! And then no one told anyone that all the wall outlets have a different plug receptacle. No shit! Everything you own has to have its own adapter. It’s good to be king. And I have 100v and 220v outlets that look the same. It must have driven the previous occupant mad. He wrote the voltage in magic marker on each outlet. Thanks.
Hiding is a cat thing too. Lulu hides in the downstairs maid’s room under one of the beds. She doesn’t think I know the spot. And I don’t let on I know. We are both happy that way. At least I know her spot. Casi uses the upstairs dresser. There is no back. She can get behind and into the cabinet and hide to her heart’s content. Lulu would too. But I found her spot early on and she never goes there anymore. Privacy! Everyone, even pets, needs it. But the refrigerator? Yup. Casi jumped behind the refrigerator. There’s no space! Well, she managed. Now what, stupid? How are you getting out of this? The cabinet next to the fridge has no kick board. So she got into that space along with all the mouse droppings and the dead insects. The kick board in front opens (fortunately) and I was able to free her without wrestling the fridge. I don’t think I would have found her except I heard cat mewling and looked around the fridge.
Lulu couldn’t resist. She had to try. She jumped behind and I heard the same mewling later. But that darn cat jumped out from behind as I began to look. Damn! She scared me. But then one day, she decided to hide there. For an entire afternoon I searched. And I even looked under her bed. She hid out of sight and did not appear until late afternoon. That was no fair. She had me worried. Not a peep, not a sound, just sat under the dirty dusty cabinet all afternoon right around the corner and just out of sight of my flashlight. Now? I stacked some boxes of chips high against the fridge. So far no one has gone back there again. (Shhhh… don’t tell the kids where the junk food is.)
So that’s cat tails. They are definitely a great distraction. My nurses are horrified. Dust, dirt, feeding, cleaning, bathing….how do you bathe them? I don’t. They wash themselves by licking themselves. Ewwww! Even worse. Cats never come when you call but are always lurking close by. They know where I am. That works for them. And every once in a while they ask for and give affection. Everyone wins. Go ahead. Ask me which is my favorite? Ha!