So much to say
Today: a series of non sequiturs. Colleen gets me to do things I would never and have never done before. Defrost a freezer? That is one Hell of a large ice cube! Jen looks so young (forget the focus). How do you image cataracts? What do you do while you await the bulk trash pick up for your discarded toilet? Bad pizza? We went with the granddaughters. It was in vivid retrospect how awful this chain pizza was made and tasted! Jump? Oh yeah! I discovered this loosened people up when you took a group photo. It worked! Hilarious! Lemonade stand? Not a single glass was sold to a passerby. With all the family hoovering about, would you? A ventriloquist and her dummy: he has a cellphone. That’s news! No one in the family has ever called him. No one can have his number. The ventriloquist says he’s in Witness Protection, preempting any objection. We were speechless. Of course! (I’m coarse!) He doesn’t speak. She speaks for him when they are on the phone (hers). There are multiple witnesses who attest… I did eventually defrost that freezer. (I did it again, recently.) This series of non sequiturs represents a rare family summer reunion in which most of the extended family attended. Indeed, it has been and was a rare gathering. Special?! One of a kind, probably never to be repeated. I’m not sentimental, nope, not me. But I wish it could be/were repeated. Precious pics! Which, by the way, she says she cannot see shared pics on her phone (memory full); oh, I guess witness protection went to her head. Or, did I get in her head?! (Ha ha, it’s a bad joke. …. Colleen’s gonna kill me.)
Well, I hesitate to say, “Hell.’ It seems oddly incongruous to use the term in the same sentence with Christmas. Christmas hell? We are on the last leg of extended Christmas. We have been to Speonk, Elkins, Hurricane, and West Chester (not, in that order). Don’t ask. We did not make it to the Rocky Mountains. No mailboxes were illustrated in this post. (It was too humiliating.) Let’s start with dinner. Jane was late to the restaurant. She and Lee had hit a mailbox in the dark. Hit?! She ran over two (count ‘em!!) posts and crushed the mailboxes. Crushed!! And, her car would not start. She killed the (car) battery too. A very neat trick! Look under the tree. See, a couple Xmas stockings? No?! Yeah, missing. We never did find them. (Number?) Two?! Next, Jane’s toilet overflowed, and, kept, overflowing, as in, it just kept filling…up!! Up!! Help!!! The trash basket beside the toilet has holes in the bottom. What the…?!@#?$!! Yeah, yeah, needless to say I had taken my socks off but was still standing in ankle deep water. Don’t laugh… too hard. We lost stuff too. It went missing, or, who knows? We travel with a hot water bottle. Low tech, but, it saves the day in some houses we stay. The item (victim) other is a Sherlock game. Ha ha. Some of the cards went missing from the game. Sherlock!? Jane simply lost (a deck) of the game. Did she ever? (have/play with a full deck?). Oh my!!!… some days you just can’t make this sh*t up. Yes it was the Xmas from …. Note: no mailboxes were permanently maimed in the making of this post. Crushed, yes. Did I mention Lee overflowed the toilet – blocked the drain all the way out to the street…. ? The toilet filled because Colleen’s shower upstairs was filling the bowl. Oh! Yeah??
Well, we carried our joke far. I had to trash a toilet. They charge for bulk pickup. And it’s on Monday. So, I had to leave the trash in my foyer for a few days. The development would have objected to a toilet at the end of the driveway. Flowers? Why not? And, a curious cat can never resist exploring something new. What’s in your foyer?
We have water with minerals. Who doesn’t? And, it stains the porcelain in the toilet. The brown ring makes us look like poor housekeepers. As a guy I can ignore small things. We’re clean. Period. But, well, Colleen has been embarrassed. She has tried to clean the stains without success. It took a while but I have finally replaced the bowls. I did it with a little help from Ray. Later on Ray was not so anxious to cooperate. Meanwhile, Colleen has the ground floor toilet fixture she always wanted. …when you gotta go, you gotta go.