I compose about one post a day. I admit to being ahead of myself. It’s still April was I write today. Ha ha. Colleen laments that I do not compose long emails to her since I returned from Saudi (years, ago). Oh well. Things change. Or not. I still find that I write for you – Colleen – now. You are the inspiration, the muse, of my posts. I never did expect to intertwine my life so completely. Ginny pointed it out. Letting loose is not so easy. Or, you just let go. Either way, there is that weight that pulls with gravity and that feeling of falling free to wherever life takes you. Heavy? Ponderous thinking? I am just recalling your recent lament once again. No regrets. These days I go with the feelings. No one orders me and I am not at the random utterly chaotic beck and call of the ER. I still (occasionally) sleep restlessly because my id persists in raising unbidden anxiety. It’s hard to relax when I have always been wary and on high alert.
Peace reigns… after a fashion. There is beauty and serenity in the world. You will read my thoughts in about a month. We will smile. I will hug you. That is the best part, to be able to hug you at will, now.